How To Improve a Relationship With Anyone Instantly
So let’s talk about how you improve a relationship with someone from this point forward because you really can do this from an energy perspective.
The type of relationship I’m talking about is maybe a relationship with a co-worker or somebody who’s in the same friendship circle but you’ve got a bit of a strained relationship.
You may feel that the person’s a bit rude or offish or disrespectful. You know those sorts of relationships that you feel that you can’t escape or choose because they’re in the same social circles as you or they’re part of your day-to-day working life.
To find out how to improve a relationship with anyone instantly, you first need to understand what is happening from an energy perspective.
We actually get what we focus on in all areas of our life whether it’s money, relationships, family, our home – everything is based on how we have created our reality through our thoughts and feelings.
This is really good news for us because if we know that we are energetic beings and that we do create our reality then we can totally create how we interact with other people and we can totally create the behavior that we receive from other people.
This is all based on our energy and the only thing we need to focus on is how we change that energy so that we attract something different from this individual.
Now sometimes when it comes to other people that we don’t get on with, it can feel a bit like Groundhog Day. Almost like every time we’re in that person’s company we get the same behaviour from them. It might be that they’re overly negative or disrespectful or rude and it’s almost like the harder we try to turn this relationship around, the more this person seems to be like that…
…but when you actually stop to think about it, you are attracting that because of your energy and I can bet that if there’s somebody that you have to be around a lot and somebody that you’re concerned enough about to think about then you are pre-paving conversations with this person, you’re pre-paving interactions with this person before you’re even in their company.
Because we do this often – we do this with people we’re friendly with but we do it more with people that we don’t get on with and what do I mean by that?
Well it could be that if you’re due to be in a meeting with that person or you’ve got a work situation that you need to be in and you’re a little anxious about that person being there. It could be that you’ve got to go out and socialize in a group and you know that this person’s will be there and it’s going to feel a little bit strained.
Once we get that feeling that is what we then focus on. The anxiety starts to build and then we start thinking about this person. We start thinking about all the negative things that could happen – all these thoughts start swirling around our head about what they’re going to say, we know how strained it will be, how we don’t even want to go to this meeting or we don’t want to go to this social setting or whatever – all over something that hasn’t even happened yet.
But, it has been pre-paved in your mind – you’ve already thought about it so much that you’ve decided that is the outcome and funnily enough, when you actually see that person often part or all of what you have pre-paved actually happens.
We do it more with those situations – the situations that we could really do with not pre-paving…and it just makes such a big difference without us even realising.
So where does all this pre-paving come from? Well we focus on two things that drive our thoughts and feelings around this person and these are:
Once we have formed an opinion of someone, it can become quite deep-rooted because we’ve witnessed a certain behavior from them and therefore developed an expectation about them. Maybe we expect them to be negative, we expect them to be rude, we expect them to be disrespectful, we expect it to feel strange when we’re around them.
Yet, we have built that reality. We’ve built that expectation in our mind and it could be the other person has done the same but we’re not talking about what they need here because we are focusing on the only thing that we can change and that is ourselves.
The other thing is we also make a lot of assumptions about the other person, assumptions that they’re going to be a certain way. Many of these assumptions actually come from other people. Maybe someone else has spoken about this person and they’ve actually given their opinion on based on their reality and what they’re attracting from them and we’ve just taken it on board.
So let’s say it’s a work colleague that someone’s moaned about. You will actually start looking for those things in that person. You might not have even noticed it before but because someone has commented about this person when they have been negative or remarked on how bolshy they are in meetings, you suddenly start to notice behaviours that you didn’t notice them before.
So now you’ve made an assumption about someone based on how someone else is spoken about them, this may then become your reality around this person from this point forward.
You see, our relationships in life are a mirror of what is going on inside of us. So what we’re thinking and feeling we will be experiencing…
… and we can get a completely different thing from every different person in our life based on this. Our minds are so powerful, we’ve built up such a matrix of relationships and we can think totally differently about every single person we interact with – but we think of this as being ‘just the way the other person is’. We don’t always realise that it’s the energy that we’re attracting from that person.
You may have heard the saying that ‘everybody is you pushed out’ so the way that you are will attract the experience that you will get from other people. The way you are to me reflects back how I’m going to be to you and that’s the same with absolutely everybody and all of our interactions.
So the way we need to change this is to start changing our expectations and our assumptions around this person and this is something that you can do right now.
Get a pen and paper and we are going to make 2 lists. This can actually be done with any area of your life! On the first list, write down what you have been thinking and feeling about a certain person and make this a list that you can shred or safety burn or just get rid of and destroy – I don’t like the energy of keeping lists that feel negative but it’s good to get everything out that you think and feel about this person.
Sometimes it can help to try this exercise on someone that you haven’t got a huge emotional charge with, you know someone you can experiment with to improve your relationship a little. If you want to give it a go with somebody that you’ve got a strained relationship with them please do.
So first, write down all the expectations that you currently have about this person. So this is everything about what you expect them to act like, what you expect them to say, what you expect them to behave like, what you expect them to do when you’re around them – just get it all down doesn’t matter if it’s negative to begin with, just get it all out.
Then underneath that also make a list of the assumptions that you have around that person and the way that they’ve acted – and think about the assumptions that other people have given to you and again just jot them all down. So if you assume that they’re going to be negative every time you speak to them, if you assume that they always talk over you in a meeting, if you assume that they’re always going to put you down in a social circle, just get it all out on paper.
Now you can can either take two columns on the one piece of paper or you can just take a fresh bit of paper and then just look at everything you’ve written down under expectations and I just want you to flip that over to something that feels good.
Now going from ‘that person’s always a bit rude to me’ to ‘that person’s now my best friend’ might feel like too big a jump and it might not even be something you want.
If you’re looking at improving a relationship with a work colleague or someone that’s in a social circle you may not want to be besties and that doesn’t matter. You may just want it to be a pleasant experience. So ‘that person’s always negative towards me’ might turn into something like ‘’that person is always pleasant and respectful in my company’… something that feels nice and neutral but feels like you’re respected and you feel valued.
Something like ‘that person is always putting me down’ can become ‘I always feel supported in that person’s company’…’they’re respectful of me’ and do the same for every single line you’ve written down, even if it feels like you are repeating the new positive statements. Just flip every line and turn it into something that’s positive.
Now what you want to do is just get rid of that old list so just shred it, burn it safely, screw it up, throw it away – whatever you want to do. Or if you plan on doing this exercise for a lot of different things, get a whiteboard and just wipe that negative list away because that’s even easier!
So from now on, this is how you need to start thinking about this person – you need to decide that from this point forward you’re going to have a clean slate – and a clean slate means a clean slate!
So you’ve almost got to pretend that you’re meeting this person again for the first time, that you know nothing about them and that these are now your expectations and your assumptions around that person…and yes it takes a bit of conscious effort to do this, yes it means that you might not be talking about this person to other people in the way that you were before but I can tell you it feels so good to do this from an energy perspective.
You can’t control what that other person does but you can change your energy around this relationship and just make a note of reading your new list of expectations and assumptions about this person and just read it daily until you can start to see the physical manifestation of your new energy around this person.
You may feel like you have setbacks, it may be that you start pre-paving again and start thinking negatively about that person but just pull yourself back… bring yourself back to that list and just maintain your new expectations, your new assumptions around that person.
It won’t be long before you start seeing that come back to you – because everybody is a mirror of what’s inside you – everybody is you ‘pushed out’ so you’re only going to see what you expect to see from other people, you’re only going to see what you assume you’re going to see from other people, so expectations and assumptions that we have around people are just so so key to changing our relationships for the better!
So make that conscious choices to turn it around and you know if this really helps you and it helps you improve one of your relationships then I’d really love to hear from you.
Enjoy creating your new reality with the relationships in your life!